In our exploration of Eugene’s writings of 1821 we have seen his concern to maintain the spirit of the Missionaries, and his joy at seeing how this was in effect taking place. The membership of the Society was made up of many different characters, each with his own challenges and difficulties. As the religious “father” of the group, Eugene had to relate to and bring out the best in each one for his own good and for the good of the community and its mission.
One of these men was the 31 year-old Hilarion Bourrelier. He was a complex character who seemingly did not have many intellectual talents and who was given to doubts about his worth and his ability. A few months after his priestly ordination he went into a serious crisis and spoke to Eugene about it. Eugene’s response was realistic but permeated by the paternal love he felt for this young man who had been a member of his Youth Congregation, among the first ever group of novices in 1816, a part of the first community in Laus and ordained in April 1821.
All that I have just said to you is drawn from the love that I have for you, you know that I have always regarded you as my cherished son, ever since the Lord confided you to my care, since I engendered you in Jesus Christ.
Hilarion was from Grans and had participated in the first mission preached by the Missionaries of Provence a few days after their foundation. He had thus been connected with the life of the Missionaries since the beginning.
You are the first fruits of my ministry, it is most likely you who were the first to be converted by virtue of the words of life that the good God put in my mouth, on the first day of my first mission.
Judge for yourself how concerned I am to see you succeed, but also how grieved I am in seeing you stray from the right path after so many graces, so many favors on the part of God, so much care, so much affection on my part. But it will only be a momentary error. It is with such confidence that I embrace you with all my heart.
Letter to Hilarion Bourrelier, 27 August 1821, EO VI n 71
“When unhappy, one doubts everything; when happy, one doubts nothing.” Joseph Roux
Wow! Just to read of Eugene’s love for this young man, and I dare say for the others around him! To be a part of such a family of love! I have seen glimpses of this love during the retreat, in the love of one for another, of being a part of the Oblates of Mary Immaculate, of the gift of St. Eugene, not just a good person who lived a long time ago, but who was/is a father to them. To be a witness to this love, to be a part of this incredible family – I am filled with gratitude and find myself and my passions being renewed. It is all gift.
As for the young man, I know his wounds so very well, for that is where I too come from. And although God heals us there is always another layer hidden away that tries from time to time to appear and settle in. When that starts to happen I need only look at where I am with my God. Unworthiness is a dreadful thing. Of course I am unworthy, and yet that love actually and truly raises us up, lifts us up into the arms of our Savior, the arms of our God. We need only ask and it happens. And if by chance we hear, taste and feel that love through another, father, mother, lover, friend, well then life is pretty darn wonderful. Love – four letters that describe everything and yet don’t begin to come close to it at all. To be love – small glimpses of that. That is all that I would ask for. So that is what I shall ask for today as I greet the dawn, held in the arms of my lover I shall thank Him and then ask for more.