For most of us, the religious experience of a significant awareness of God’s presence that leads to personal conversion is a long and slow process – usually we are not even fully aware of the meaning of what has been happening until a time later when we look back and reflect. Often we hear Eugene’s Good Friday experience being presented as if this was the one and only sudden momentous experience on his conversion journey: a Saul on-the-way-to-Damascus epiphany. A milestone the Good Friday certainly was, but only within the context of a long journey of awareness and experience that led to gradual personal change.
The Eugene who was supposedly suddenly smitten by his looking at the Cross one Good Friday, is not much of an example or encouragement to the rest of us who are “unsmitten” by never having had a similar sudden religious experience. We may feel happy for him, but there it stays in the realm of the plaster statue saint that doesn’t touch our real lives. No, Eugene’s experience speaks to me because it was a journey of realization – a journey of awakening that inspires us to do likewise. I have traced his lost and lukewarm years in a certain amount of detail to highlight exactly this: in his journey we find a mirror of our own history of awareness and lack of awareness, of faithfulness and unfaithfulness to God’s presence in our lives. As a saint he walks the same walk with us today as a guide and intercessor.
Several years later, Eugene would write to his mother about his lukewarm stage:
When I was being urged more strongly than ever by grace to give myself entirely to God’s service, I did not want to do anything rash and you must have seen that I began to move out of that state of lukewarmness into which I had fallen and which would infallibly have led to my death, I tried by a much greater fervor to merit new graces from the Lord and as this good Master is generous, he did not fail to grant them to me…
Letter to his mother, 23-24 March 1809 EO XIV n 49
Can I identify with Eugene’s “state of lukewarmness?” What does the experience of Eugene teach me as a follower of Jesus?
“Conversion for me was not a Damascus Road experience. I slowly moved into an intellectual acceptance of what my intuition had always known.” Madeleine L’Engle, Christian novelist
My life without and then with Jesus has been quite startling. But even so there have been periods of ‘lukewarmness’ as Frank writes. There have been days and months and years where it has been the ordinary of the day that has ruled. But during those times God was working within me, softening my heart and transforming it, teaching me what fidelity was all about and learning to find him in the ordinary of the day and of creation itself.
A spectacular grace that God has granted me is to be able to walk with Saint Eugene today and have him as a guide and intercessor as well as a dear friend. For me one of the greatest gifts I have received is to journey each day with the writings of St. Eugene, not only here but in a very deliberate way, as they were made accessible by Frank almost 2 years ago. Most of the letters that Eugene wrote were what I call ‘business as usual’ and yet in being faithful to remaining open to them and allowing the Spirit to work through Eugene and within me I have come to know myself in a much deeper way, to know Eugene in a much deeper way, to recognize God and the Spirit of God in so many ways. The most amazing things happen – for what Eugene writes about and shares of himself in his writings, and through others who have entered into a relationship with him is somehow not so different from what I experience and how God is alive within me. It always comes back to God (perhaps because that is where it all began). In him and all of his sons and daughters I find myself. Could there be any greater gift!
I think of Jesus and his followers of 2000 years ago. Jesus spent most of his life in obscurity but when he emerged after 30 years of being molded and transformed… I think of Genesis and the story of creation. Those seven days – I wonder how long they were. I think what it would have been like to be an observer watching God tenderly and lovingly create our universe, our planet and all of life itself – making it ‘just so’ for all of to come – the true miracle in all of it! And I look at my life and the minute details that God has worked over these 65 years – all of them seemingly instantaneous and all of them being most perfect.
Thanks, Frank, I needed this:
“The Eugene who was supposedly suddenly smitten by his looking at the Cross one Good Friday, is not much of an example or encouragement to the rest of us who are “unsmitten” by never having had a similar sudden religious experience. …. No, Eugene’s experience speaks to me because it was a journey of realization – a journey of awakening that inspires us to do likewise. “
Thank you, Eleanor and Anda, for your comments. It is always good to get a reaction to something that is launched into the unknown of cyberspace!
As we prepare to celebrate 200 years of the fruits of Eugene’s faith experience, is going to be all about “hurrah, we have been around for 200 years – how great we are?” Or will the Mazenodian Family make this milestone an occasion to get in touch with the spark which ignited the faith-experience of Eugene and allow it to re-create and revitalize our lives as disciples and missionaries? This is my wish and prayer for all who read these reflections.
There are so many areas in our lives in general and faith in particular, where we seem to be facing loss of interest, understanding, and need for finding the spark to rekindle, rather than just saying “whew – we – no matter how few left – made it”.
Personally I know that I need to find the spark as I feel burned out from dealing with the disinterest. Even if few comment, know that what you are doing within the context of the Mazenodian family also helps us out and beyond.