I CANNOT COMMIT THIS FOLLY WITH A WOMAN WHO DOES NOT RESTORE MY FINANCIAL AFFAIRS

Pielorz (The Spiritual Life, p. 110-111) describes Eugene’s marriage plans. We may be shocked as we read this, but we need to bear in mind the culture and customs of two centuries ago in France where marriages were arranged.

His family, especially his mother, was pondering the possibilities: “I would not depart from the custom which has been introduced into this country of marrying off the children while they are still young,” Mrs. de Mazenod wrote to her husband September 20, 1801. “It does seem to have some success.” To Eugene who was curious to know what her thinking was on this issue his mother wrote this February 28, 1802 reply:

 “As for the curiosity you show about knowing all the details of the match that I spoke to you about, you will grant me the liberty to tell you that this is not the time to answer you. You must understand that in such affairs, and in general, in any undertaking, there is always the pro and the contra… Besides, it will take two or three months before I can tell you definitively whether this match can take place or not. By then, it will be only a matter of your consent and that of the other interested party.”

 After his return to France, while faithfully cooperating in his mother’s plans, Eugene was seriously considering marriage. He would certainly have married in a marriage of convenience a Miss Jauffret, who was bringing an income of 25,000 francs into the marriage, if Divine Providence who had destined him to become the Founder of the Oblates of Mary Immaculate had not changed the course of events.

They were seriously working on setting us this match when a wasting disease seized upon my intended bride and progressed with such astounding rapidity that in spite of a few short trips she succumbed to the illness. I met with her father, her mother; I discussed at length and heard this affair discussed. My uncle explained it to me in detail and assured me that I should minimize my regret because there were many things I might not have found suitable. As for her personality, it was good, but she was not too bright and was rather plain looking.

To please his mother, Eugene was prepared to marry a young lady who would have permitted him to set the family fortune on a sound basis once more. It would, in fact, have been a marriage in the style of the Old Regime in which the wealth of the dowry was to compensate for the absence of love and the deficiencies of the personal qualities of the intended. At the end of this letter, Eugene adds with a note of cynicism:

In a word, the affair failed to materialize. Let’s not think of it any more. But I foresee that I will never marry because the dowries in this country are not large enough and that I cannot, nor should I commit this folly with a woman who does not restore my financial affairs.

Letter to his father, 12 February 1803, Méjanes, Aix.

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“Most of these tribal marriages were arranged on the basis of what is described by anthropologists as the bride price.”   Louis Leakey, anthropologist in East Africa

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1 Response to I CANNOT COMMIT THIS FOLLY WITH A WOMAN WHO DOES NOT RESTORE MY FINANCIAL AFFAIRS

  1. Eleanor Rabnett, Oblate Associate says:

    Eugene was a product of his time. I am not really shocked for I know of a couple of marriages of friends which were ‘arranged’, perhaps not as blatantly as that which Eugene’s mother was arranging, but nevertheless arranged. And in truth I have some friends who married to escape the situation they were living in, to better themselves, to escape their problems at home, thinking that being married to someone would cure all their ills… The list of reasons to marry as they did was sometimes long but for the most part they married because they loved each other.

    Whenever I think of marriage the image of two friends rises before me – they married each other because they loved each other. They raised their family, with each of their children being wonderful human beings, unique but wonderful. Their life has not been perfect or always easy and yet it was the love that they brought to each other – wow! They are an example, a shining light for sure.

    But I am getting side-tracked here. Eugene was a product of his times, of his family, of his social circles, his society. I look at this image of Eugene that Frank and Pielorz have painted. Eugene was far from being truly happy, being busy chasing after another’s dream for him, rather than his own. That would come not too long after. This is an invitation for me to look at my own life. What was I busy running after? What was I trying to escape as I waited for God ‘to find me’? How was my life filled with weariness, with ennui.

    Eugene’s life has always spoken to me of what and how the right love transforms us. It has been a picture of hope, and trust and an invitation to look at what has been and where I am now. My own experiences resonate with those of Eugene and so many others.

    Like a small child I come this morning to stand before God. Look Lord at all you have given to me. Look!

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