Since his conversion, Eugene had always lived the ideal of doing everything for God. All who joined him were expected to follow the same ideal – hence the name “Oblate” and the act of oblation, giving all for God. When Riccardi had lost sight of this ideal, he had become self-centered and unfocussed.
It is not my fault if your heart shut out the good emotions that grace no doubt would have aroused therein had you offered yourself to God with more generosity and less hesitation, had you not glanced back so much as you calculated the advantages that the world could offer you and listened to the voice of flesh and blood. Men of this stamp have never done any good in the Church, I do not see any raised to the honors of the altar and I doubt that there are any in heaven.
Letter to Nicolas Riccardi, 17 February 1826, EO VII n 225
“Too much self-centered attitude, you see, brings, you see, isolation. Result: loneliness, fear, anger. The extreme self-centered attitude is the source of suffering.” Dalai Lama
Talk about harsh and scathing! “Men of this stamp have never done any good in the Church, I do not see any raised to the honors of the altar and I doubt that there are any in heaven.” Is there a possibility of redemption? It brings to mind old tapes playing; they sound a bit like “you’re no good…you’ll never be loved or lovable…you’re just like so-and-so…you’re the worst little girl in all of …etc., etc” Those old tapes of my childhood that still have enough steam left in them to rise again. Only now instead of spending time listening I can move on.
I look instead at “…the act of oblation, giving all for God. When Riccardi had lost sight of this ideal, he had become self-centered and unfocused.” A daily thing for me at the least – not a one-time sort of thing and always it seems I need to be vigilant otherwise it is overwhelmingly easy to centre on myself. It might start out small but it grows so quickly. I lose my way easily and must ask God to bring me back. The Dalai Lama speaks the truth when he says “The extreme self-centered attitude is the source of suffering.” I can testify to that – ‘me first’ does not bring us to joy, love, serenity, goodness and peace but rather it drags us down into mire and muck. It makes no logical sense but giving our all to God is the only thing that seems to open the gate to deepening our life with Him. I just need to remember that oblation does not always look the same from person to person.