The 1816 retreat notes were written in the notebook in which he kept all his previous retreat notes (cf Oblate Writings XIV and XV). Today the word “journalling” is used for this type of spiritual exercise.
Eugene notes the direction of his growth.
I have gone over, in the silence of this kind of unplanned retreat, not only what is written above, which has brought back to mind the good sentiments the Lord has not ceased to give me and of which I have never profited as I should, but I have read too the resolutions I took in my various retreats, and especially those taken in Amiens, when I was preparing myself for the priesthood, and those taken in Aix in my subsequent retreats. I have read at the same time M. Emery’s resolutions and a few works calculated to make me really re-enter into myself.
Retreat Notes, July-August 1816, O.W. XV n 139
He reflects on the importance of keeping track of his progress:
I must often re-read what I wrote in Amiens, with the regret that I did not continue as I began. And as I experience a very great profit from this method, I will never fail, in my retreats, to put in writing at least some of the good thoughts God in his goodness gives me and the resolutions I make during these happy interludes.
Retreat Notes, July-August 1816, O.W. XV n 139
My diary is new to me, but I do try to capture in it my daily thoughts and conversations with my Beloved. If for no other reason than to be able to go back and see where I was. It is not a measuring thing but sometimes I look and see the hidden depths of my wounds which my God has healed so tenderly. And there are other times where I look and see that I am still suffering with wounds that continue to grow and live despite their darkness.
It is sad; yet still my God loves me and soothes me as we look together through his eyes of love. It would seem that is the only way that I am able to look at these wounds – through the eyes of my crucified Saviour.
I stop for a second and ask myself why I simply don’t note that I am looking through his eyes. But it is for me so very important that I remember to see through the eyes of him who died on the cross, for me, for all the world. It is deeply personal and cannot be covered and hidden beneath soft sounding words. There is within all of this the reality that he gave himself for me, for us, for me on the Cross and still he loves me as if I am the most important part of who he is.
And that does not lessen the love another is given, or even fill to capacity his heart which is without limit or walls. I cannot understand it, I can only revel in this mystery.
I am struck this morning by the words of Paul in 2 Timothy 4:1-8 “As for you, always be sober, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, carry out your ministry fully.”
A reminder as I step this morning to continue on as I am called, as I have been sent. Not in a self-righteous way but rather with all humility for any grace that I have has not come from myself but only from God.
Spirit of Life breathe into me the truth and wisdom that I might share this with all of my brothers and sisters.