Before returning to Aix, Eugene spent some time on a preparation retreat. He was marked by the suffering he had seen in Paris caused by the persecution of the Church by Napoleon, and the indifference of far too many priests to the state of the Church. The newly-ordained Eugene was on fire with his ideals and wished that this same fire would burn in others and heal the wounds of the Church, the body of Christ. It was this preoccupation that made him constantly come back to the question of “bad priests” – to the point of placing the reform of the clergy as one of the major ends of our Congregation in the Rules of 1818 and after.
The Church has all too much to lament in the numerous priests who bring down harm on her by their lack of awareness of the evils she suffers, who are themselves in a state of torpor and dampen down all the flames of divine love which they should be lavishing among the faithful, for whom they are the Lord’s organs and instruments of his mercy.
Is it my purpose to increase their number? God preserve me from such a fate. Better to die right now as I write these words.
Retreat notes, August 1812, O.W. XV n. 106
“The newly-ordained Eugene was on fire with his ideals and wished that this same fire would burn in others and heal the wounds of the Church, the body of Christ.” This is part of the basic goodness of Eugene. He loved so much. Here he was on fire with the love of God and he simply wants to share it with everyone else, to heal wounds. I think back to myself following my experience of God. I was most certainly on fire, but I don’t remember being all that much into sharing this awesome love with others (that would only come later on). In truth it was more a matter of wanting to be with this love, sit with it, luxuriate in it. Sadly at that time I seemed only capable of wrapping myself in it. Perhaps that would not be uncommon for people such as myself, I don’t know, I know only that it took awhile for that love to turn outward.
“…divine love which they should be lavishing among the faithful, for whom they are the Lord’s organs and instruments of his mercy.” I ponder on this and believe that Eugene could well be speaking about myself – are we not all called to lavish this great love of God on those around us. Is that not what being the Lord’s organs and instruments of his mercy and love is all about?
The other night I sat and listened to a young woman speak of her struggle with our beloved Church. She has reached the age where she wants to look forward to getting married with the great love of her life, to having children, all this within the Church. But as a lesbian she is so afraid that if she goes ahead with this she will be denied the sacraments, she will no longer be able to receive the Eucharist. This is not just a casual or idle thought but a huge gaping wound. For if she continues ‘with the church’ she stands the risk of having to be untrue to herself, to who God has created her to be. To be a witness to such pain, such a struggle that need not be in the first place. I wanted to rail against the church, but in truth I thought of my own struggle with “The Church” – and it is more with some of the people in the church, leaders and members of. This morning I am reminded of Eugene’s wonderful Lenten homily from the church of the Madeleine and I will share it with her, in fact with the whole group. For I remember how it was for me when I first heard it myself, and how often it comes to my mind. Perhaps in it will be some consolation and become a source of strength for her as she finds her way through this journey of life and which sometimes resembles more of an obstacle course than a well trod path.