Dealing with some of the Oblates as their superior, was sometimes tricky for Eugene de Mazenod, especially if the person was difficult and sensitive. He confides in his diary:
Who could foretell the sensitivities of this Father? He complains practically always that people lack esteem for him.
As for myself, I protest that, far from not attaching any importance to him, I have always loved him very much and very often have used too much tact to avoid displeasing him. With all due respect for his talents, my paternal heart would have liked something else to complete his good qualities;
Being forthright in expressing himself, Eugene had obviously hurt the man in trying to help him:
whatever would have been my discretion in this matter, I have alienated his heart.
It was not a new experience for Eugene, nor for anyone in leadership, to suffer alienation as a result of something that has to be said or corrected. Painfully aware of this, Eugene always looked to the Crucified Savior and offered it to him.
I offer this pain to the Lord with many others of this type…
Eugene de Mazenod’s Diary, 19 January 1842, EO XXI
It is difficult, and often painful, to journey with others who need to modify their behavior or attitude – St Eugene teaches us to do so in the presence of the Cross, especially in the face of hurt and rejection.
Frank’s reminder to allow ourselves to be in the presence of the Cross, means to be in the presence of love. I think of a small child who knows what it is to be loved and how that child is able to handle, criticism and correction; it does not automatically have to be a rejection. Without love we might lose touch with that and then alienation can occur. It has taken most of my life to recognize and accept my humanness with all its strengths and beauty as well as its frailties and weaknesses. Wherever did that idea of needing to be perfect in order to be loved come from?
Jesus was always filled with compassion; “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”
And then the commandment: “Love one another as I have loved you.” Without measure or comparison, without degrees. The Cross is always before us; as is the Resurrection.
I am reminded that Eugene loved with a heart as big as the world. Like Eugene we strive for perfection – that is to be holy in the giving and receiving of love. Let us never give-up on one another, or ourselves.