Eugene was to be the instrument of God’s love for his people by making sure that he was filled with it himself.
How is one to proceed if one is to hope to arrive at this? Above all I must profoundly humble myself before God at finding myself so different from what I was once by his grace.
… it is a question for me of answering the Master’s call, “Here I am”, I ought to be able to say: “Here I am, here I am, send me.”. But if my strength is diminished, if the salt has lost its flavour, if the lamp no longer gives light, how may I answer with confidence the Master’s call? Lord, come to my aid; come yourself to help me: “Oh God, come to my assistance, Lord make haste to help me.” To you alone it belongs to give strength to my soul; you alone can renew in my depths the sacred fire of your love which must first enkindle fire in my heart, and then pour itself out by my ministry in the souls whom you want to confide in me.
Retreat preparatory to taking possession of the episcopal see of Marseilles, May 1837, EO XV n 185
In the Preface he had written in 1818: “Take great care about what you do and what you teach,” was Paul’s charge to Timothy, “Always do this, and thus you will save both yourself and those who listen to you” (1 Tim 4: 16)
I think of how I so long ago I used to turn to alcohol and drugs – as if they could nourish me, as if they could fill me. And there have been many other panaceas – equally empty, never measuring up to what their invitation had promised. I need always to be on guard; as Paul says “take great care about what I do…”
“I looked for happiness outside of God.” I seem so often to use the words of others – especially of Eugene but it is here that I have found myself, in this community. Do I need to be able to make up beautiful sayings that others will quote? I stop and look at Eugene’s model and how he quoted scriptures… Look dearest Master, at whose words I quote; look at who you have given to guide and lead us. And again I am reminded of Eugene’s words on leading us to be human and Christian and helping us to find our way to becoming saints. If we do that for others it happens within.
There is a strange humility in all of this – not a humility that I manufactured within myself but which you have most certainly planted within me. For a moment I experience a small gift of satisfaction and quiet joy that you should love me so.
Indeed “To you alone it belongs to give strength to my soul; you alone can renew in my depths the sacred fire of your love…” I am filled with gratitude as this new day begins.