WHEN I REFLECT ON IT, I AM CONVINCED THAT IT SO PLEASES GOD TO PUT AN END TO MY INDECISIVENESS

Having been pushed by God’s grace to finally make his decision to start a group of missionaries, Eugene now plunges himself into a flurry of activity to make his dream become a reality, dramatically portrayed in terms of  having “a trowel in one hand and a sword in the other” to build a new reality and also to fight opposition.

Interesting is his allusion to the Israelites rebuilding the city of Jerusalem after the Exile – after the exile of the Church caused by the Revolution and Napoleon, Eugene understood the aim of his shared ministry as one of restoration.

When I reflect on it, I am convinced that is how God wants to put an end to my indecisiveness.
And in such a way that I am up to my eyes in it! I assure you that in such circumstances I am quite another man. You would no longer call me a stick-in-the mud [ed. French: cul de plomb – a rear end of lead that is too heavy to move] if you were to see how I fly around. I am practically up to your standard in acting with so much authority I move carefully though I have not a moment of let-up and yet willingly go ahead nonetheless.
It is nearly two months now that I fight on at my own expense, sometimes openly, sometimes discreetly. With trowel in one hand and sword in the other, I am like the good Israelites rebuilding the city of Jerusalem. And my pen is busy. I dare not tell you how much I have written since being involved in this affair…
Letter to Forbin Janson, 23 October 1815, O.W. VI n.5


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3 Responses to WHEN I REFLECT ON IT, I AM CONVINCED THAT IT SO PLEASES GOD TO PUT AN END TO MY INDECISIVENESS

  1. Eleanor Rabnett says:

    LJC et MI
    I am constantly amazed (although why I would be amazed I don’t know – I should almost come to expect this by now) – as I said amazed, but also humbled and grateful for how relevant this is today and each day for me. Each time (and there are many) I struggle and question God where He would have me go, what He would have me do, am I headed in the right direction, etc St. Eugene speaks to me – in these daily writings. Incredible how relevant they are! I don’t always get an answer but I am reminded that I am not alone, certainly that he has been there and how to carry on. He (Eugene) is very much the “father” who continues to be a part of our daily lives – he has shared/continues to share his charism and his love and guidance of each of us. He is still very much alive so to speak. Thank you for this gift. Eleanor

  2. “if you were to see how I fly around. I am practically up to your standard in acting with so much authority I move carefully though I have not a moment of let-up and yet willingly go ahead nonetheless.” As I read this, I like so many say, yes I can relate. “I fly around!”. Yet is is the next line that challenges me for Eugene seems to comparing himself to his friend Forbin Janson. And whenu he or when I do that, comparing my work, energy or intellect to another I always/usually fall short. The judgement and comparison is usually my ego saying what a good job I did that makes me important or essential or it says you need to work harder, you are not good enough. So as I reflect upon this, I am Eugene’s son who simple need to remember God’s Love and Mercy, and from last Thursdays Epistle, 1 Cor 15:10 “But by the grace of God I am what I am..”

  3. The very title of this entry reminds me of the dichotomy that I live and struggle with internally and externally, and thus holding the tension of serving others with love can itself be a challenge. I have the innate (by God’s Will) ability to use the trowel and sword, but tend to wrestle with my own reflection as I forge ahead. On the journey I must trust that All will be healed as I struggle to be Me in You. Yes, Fr. Jack, thank you, for “But by the grace of God I am what I am.”

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