NEVER WAS MY SOUL MORE SATISFIED, NEVER DID IT FEEL SUCH HAPPINESS

Eugene’s tears were initially caused by his awareness of being in a state of sin. Nowhere does he say what this “mortal sin” was, but the context suggests that it was his realization of how his life had been pointing in the wrong direction, away from God.

The highpoint of the experience is that his tears of sorrow turned to tears of peace and joy. He was not being punished for being a sinner, but was given the grace to convert and change to direction of his life towards God.

I was in a state of mortal sin  and it was precisely this that made me grieve. I could then, and also on some other instance, perceive the difference. Never was my soul more satisfied, never did it feel such happiness; for in the midst of this flood of tears, despite my grief, or rather through my grief, my soul took wings for its last end, towards God its only good whose loss it felt so keenly.

Retreat Journal, December 1814, O.W. XV n.130

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1 Response to NEVER WAS MY SOUL MORE SATISFIED, NEVER DID IT FEEL SUCH HAPPINESS

  1. Eleanor Rabnett, Oblate Associate says:

    “…we remember how You loved us to Your death. And still we celebrate for You are with us here. And we believe that we will see you when You come, in your glory Lord. We remember, we celebrate, we believe.” Not sure exactly of the words but that is a what I find I am singing softly to myself this morning.

    Not a day of ‘giddy anticipation’ but rather one of solemn reverence and a shared sorrow. For we, our parish, our family, our community, come together today, to remember, to listen and hear the story, to feel and experience. It is communal and intensely personal at the same time.

    The Cross. One word that evokes so much. It is forever a symbol of all that is ugly, harsh, cruel, deadly, brutal. It is also such a symbol of hope, unimaginable love, joy, consolation. Today will be a day of being humbled and lifted up at the same time. Jesus, my God, my love, my all, you who died for me. My sins, of turning from you to find happiness and fulfillment in things, places, ideas. I am reminded this morning of how I am very much like the prodigal daughter. Standing before You as you are on the cross I realise again in a way that is too deep for words what is my sin and how you have taken them. As Frank said, not to be punished but rather so that I could and can look again and be “….given the grace to convert and change to direction of his life towards God.”

    Today I will join with the others, out of reverence, hope, longing, love. To be reminded, to be touched, to touch.

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