Eugene’s letters of 1822 have shown the many concerns and difficulties he was experiencing. Not least among these was his worry about the survival and future of his small group of Missionaries. It was in this spirit that he blessed the new statue in the chapel, which became the opportunity for a powerful life-giving insight. He immediately wrote to Henri Tempier, who was in Laus.
I believe I owe to her also a special experience that I felt today; I will not go so far as to say more than ever, but certainly more than usual.
Eugene was usually very reticent about describing his deep spiritual experiences. His “more than usual” experience was connected with the life of the Missionaries of Provence, who were experiencing external difficulties and whose future existence was in the balance.
I cannot describe it too well because it covered several things, but all related to a single object, our dear Society.
He then described the confirmation that he received that the foundation of the Missionaries had come from God and that God assured him of a solid future for this group.
It seemed to me that what I saw, what I could put my finger on, was
that within it lies hidden the seed of very great virtues,
and that it can achieve infinite good;
I found it worthy,
everything pleased me about it,
I appreciated its rules, its statutes;
its ministry seemed awe-inspiring to me, as it is indeed.
As I looked at the Society I found in it a sure, even infallible, means of salvation.
Letter to Henri Tempier, 15 August 1822, EO VI n 86
This was the grace that the Oblate Madonna had obtained for Eugene: a God-given assurance that he was on the right track and that he needed to persevere despite all the external storms raging around him that seemed to threaten the existence of the Missionaries.
Two hundred years later we continue to reap the harvest of this boost of confidence which our Oblate Madonna “smiled” on us.
“Faith has to do with things that are not seen and hope with things that are not at hand.” Thomas Aquinas
I hesitate to mention the many gifts I received while in Rome, but most certainly one of them was to be able to let go of my struggles and what I want to call small pettiness about the statue of the the Oblate Madonna because I can no longer remember or figure out what upset me so much about the statue. I can only thank God for taking it from me so that I could just sit with Our Lady. Yesterday as I sat with her I realised that I am where I am supposed to be and that she will continue to be with me and guide me. There is such solace and comfort to be found with Mary. All will happen in the right time and I felt she was showing me, sharing with me to be strong. Like she was holding her hand out to me.
I write this today from Aix, Eugene’s house – it is busy with workers who are restoring it, I can smell paint, and hear the saws being used, but I am here. Another thing that I have wanted for a while, not with anything specific in mind, just to be here and receive what will be given. I was able to go Mass in the church and pray the Office with the Oblates. Soon I will venture out with my fractured french to buy a map. They are very kind about my poor french which is certainly not as good when I speak out loud as it is in my mind. It is the same as when in the Czech Republic and the Czechs were trying to speak English with me. Right now this is my immediate poverty.
I will go out now to walk and see. I have been given a paper to read – Aix en Provence with Eugene de Mazenod. I opened it to a page which says: “Don’t seek even the least furniture that dates back to the origin. No matter: We are not here to visit a museum, but to discover the roots of our history.” Yes – so afraid to say it – for it is our history, my history as a member of this Oblate, Mazenodian Family. I am reading here in Aix what we have been reading and pondering the last couple of days. I am happy just to be here. How awesome is our God.
After some very deliberate searching I returned here this morning. Today is Holy Saturday and I awoke thinking that today I will spend the day waiting, with Our Lady. I was thinking of Eugene on a specific day when rather than going with the others in procession he stayed behind in his private chapel to pray before the statue of Our Lady, the Oblate Madonna. At the same time I wondered how Eugene spent Holy Saturday(s). Was it in retreat, in silence? Was it in preparation for the Vigil that was coming? Was it in waiting?
I awoke also thinking of Mary, Our Lady, our Mother, as given to us by God. How had Mary spent the day following the crucifixion of Jesus, her son? She did not have advance knowledge that he would rise from death. How overwhelmingly and total must have been her grief. I am certain that she did not spend the time “waiting”. But that is how I will spend this day – somehow with Mary.
It will be a day of quiet, calm, waiting for the vigil tonight. It will be a day of preparation. It is not just any Saturday, it is Holy Saturday and so I will prepare by cleaning and cooking, making sure all is ready – all things that I would normally do on a Saturday, but this is different. For I do these mundane every day tasks, all the while waiting and anticipating – the Alleluias, the singing of the Exsultet, the bells and the Gloria,the baptism of a very special young woman, the incredibly shared joy of us all.
This Holy Saturday is a day of waiting and preparing to celebrate specifically this great “lavishing of life” that has come about through the death and resurrection of Jesus.