1814 had not only been the year of political change in France, it also was the year when Eugene had been on the point of death. His serious illness had left him weak, and in this letter he shows something of his struggle to continue with energy and zeal. He is beginning to reconsider the expression and direction of his vocation. He dreams of the peace of a contemplative existence in a monastery, but in reality he cannot abandon the needs of those he ministers to. One senses a weariness in his words:
I have little taste for this work; I do not know if I will not have to change my vocation. I yearn sometimes for solitude; and the religious Orders that limit themselves to the sanctification of the individuals who follow their Rule and attend to that of others only by prayer, begin to offer me certain attractions. I would not be averse to spending in this fashion the rest of my days; in all truth, it would be a lot different from what I am doing now. Who knows! Perhaps I will finish up there!
When I do not have before my eyes the extreme needs of my poor sinners, I will not be so upset at not going to help them. It could well be too that I am fooling myself that I am more useful to them than I am in reality. In the meantime, however, my time and my attentions are theirs.
Letter to Father Forbin Janson, 12 September 1814, O.W. XV n. 128.