Sleep
So he must sleep and eat; and when he is tired he must rest.
It is a great pity I did not understand this a lot sooner. There is still time to get there, the damage is not irreversible; but it would be foolish to delay any longer.
Whatever happens, I will get the sleep needed so as not to be exhausted when I get up in the morning, as is usually the case. I have been guilty of excesses in this area, going back to my first years in the seminary. I acknowledge I would be blameworthy not to change my ways, since my health, until now always good, has already suffered a lot as a result.
The example of the saints seduced me, but it seems God in his goodness does not ask the same of me, as he seems to be warning me by a lessening of my energy and the upset of my health.
I think I will have to take seven hours’ sleep. It’s hard, I know, but what can I do, when God in his goodness and the doctors require it.
Retreat Notes, July-August 1816, O.W. XV n 139
This morning I debated on whether to reflect and write or just say to heck with it for a few days. This does not seem to exciting – whether Eugene sleeps or not – whether he pays attention to what his doctors and brothers are telling him..
Damn – just as I prepare to walk away I am remind about yesterday. I took 2 buses and the O-Train to go to a shopping centre some kilometers away from where I live to pick up a particular type of salad that I was craving. I found the salad without any problems and then went to the transitway to catch the bus to return home. As I approached the elevator I saw the big yellow notice – Out of Order. I looked at the two story staircase and knew that I would not be able to get myself and my walker up there. I asked for help but there was no way to get up there without catching another bus heading further away to the next station where hopefully the elevator was working and it would bring me back via the transitway and head towards home. I settled to take a bus to and through downtown and then east to my home – all the while silently raging on what I would write in my complaint and maybe call the TV Station, admitting to myself I would do neither of those things: I was just one of many seniors using the system on Senior’s Day. The first bus to come along was already too full and the driver could not take me. A few minutes later a bus driver approached me – he had been told about my problem and wanted to see if he could help as he’d just finished his run and was waiting to be told where he was needed next. After reviewing the possibilities he called his supervisor and explained what was happening and could he drive me to the station where I could catch the O-Train and he would wait there for his next assignment. And that is what he did! He told me they would be putting on a shuttle to get others up to the top level to catch their buses.
I was so grateful to God for providing the help that I needed. I told myself that I needed to start using Para Transpo more often, I was approved but you never quite knew when they would arrive to pick you up or how long you would have to wait to get home again. It would not be as convenient as a regular bus or buses, and surely I was not too old to be able to catch a bus myself… Listen to what my doctors said… Let go of my ego… The day-to-day breathing in and breathing out in life…
I am not so different from Eugene after all. Lord help me to let go of myself, my ego, my wants that do not really matter… Give me the grace to accept what is ‘enough’. And Eugene please continue to pray for me, one of your daughters…