Eugene’s outpouring of his personal grief, in his private journal, at the suffering and death of Dauphin who had been a domestic servant at the Bishop’s house in Marseilles. Although he had stopped working there for a number of years, he had remained in contact with Eugene.
I said Mass for poor Dauphin. In this way I can show him my gratitude for his attachment to me. I would have been willing to go to any expense to save his life. Now, through my prayers, I would like to introduce him into glory as soon as possible.
Barri, whom I saw today, confirmed what I already knew of this dear Dauphin’s dedication, more than anyone could imagine. He told me every time we met, that he would go through fire for me, that he loved me more than anyone else. It was a pure effect of his gratitude, for sometimes we would not have contact for a whole year. I ease my sorrow at the loss of that faithful and dear servant by writing down these things. I write them only for myself. If someone else happens to read them, let him not accuse me of weakness.
Eugene’s explanation of his sentiments is a powerful affirmation of God’s love.
I accept every suffering, but do not blush at very deeply feeling the loss of those who truly love me, and whom I so rightly love on my part, as my so-loving heart knows well how to do. This is not at all a scandal. I declare that I do not understand how someone can love God, if they do not know how to love people worthy of being loved.
Eugene de Mazenod’s Diary, 4 September 1837, EO XVIII
How are any of us worthy of being loved? We are worthy – only because we are loved by God. This is at the deepest core of our being. This is why we have been created – to be loved and so in turn to love. It does not matter if it becomes lived in the moment of our birth, at our death or somewhere in between; it transforms us no matter who or where we are in life.
I think of how we speak of ‘seeing through the eyes of our crucified Saviour’ – pure love; and I think of Paul’s letter to the Corinthians where he describes what love is or is not. And Eugene shows us how we can live this love – he shares his reality, his ongoing experience of love with us.
Suddenly the word “Founder” takes on a new face; I find myself – beyond words that I am so loved as to have been invited to be a part of this family, to walk with, led and inspired, taught and formed. Images appear before me, almost too fast to capture; the image of clay in the potters hands, our prayer of “Lord I am not worthy to receive you but only say the word…” Eugene and his sons and daughters have taken part in my own formation. It does not just rest with them for it seems always to lead me back to the core – God’s love for each of us.
There is a powerlessness in all of this – it is humbling and beyond. To love as we are loved seems to become our own ‘raison d’être’.
I sit in gratitude as I begin my day. My heart is full and seems to want to burst outside of my body. It’s only release will be in how I love others.