On the eve of engaging myself in a great commitment for the rest of my days, I enter into myself…
Thus begins Eugene’s journal for the day prayer in preparation for the oblation for life he was to make as a religious with vows.
As he enters into self-evaluation he touches on the constant theme of his retreats during these past years: his lack of focus as a result of being over-extended in his commitments and activities.
On the eve of engaging myself in a great commitment for the rest of my days, I enter into myself to humble myself before God for the small progress I have made in the ways of perfection, bitterly to lament the difficulty I am experiencing in getting out of the habitual state of being lukewarm that I have fallen into since my duty has obliged me to focus my attention on others and I have been almost entirely forgetful of myself.
Day’s Retreat, during th community retreat, 30 October 1818,
EO XV n. 148
He finds himself lukewarm in the light of the fiery ideals expressed at the previous highpoints of his life – always linked with the grace to want to be totally centered on God.