As I read Eugene’s retreat reflections, I constantly hear echoes of his Good Friday experience of his brokenness and his awareness of God’s healing love. It was a conviction that never left him and that was at the basis of all his ministry: to lead others to his same experience of being loved by and of loving God, despite their sinfulness.
That is where things stand, it is the feeling that predominates in my soul, an unlimited trust in the goodness of my God. I am a sinner, a very great sinner. After 21 years of ministry preceded by three years’ preparation, after working more than many another, both myself and through a great number of co-operators whom I have set in motion, after succeeding in many undertakings conceived and carried out for God and the Church, I acknowledge myself to be without virtues and merits, and notwithstanding that I do not despair of my God’s goodness, and I count always on his mercy, and I hope that I will finish by becoming better, that is, with the supernatural help and habitual assistance of grace, I will acquit myself better of my duties and cooperate with the plans of the heavenly Father and his Son Jesus Christ, my most lovable Saviour, and the Holy Spirit who hovers over my soul prior to entering it again in a few days time. Amen, Amen, Amen.
Retreat journal before being consecrated bishop, 7-14 October 1832, EO XV n 166
This past weekend I had the joy of preaching – well sharing really and the topic was nothing less than the Kingdom of God. A term that I still have some difficulties in saying even though I repeat it on a daily basis each morning during my prayers. “My life in all its dimensions is a prayer that, in me and through me Your kingdom come.” (from Constitution 32) Somewhere along the way the Holy Spirit has not only hovered but entered into my soul – more than once if I am to look at what has been accomplished – not through any merits of my own. Like Eugene I am so very aware of my own shortcomings, my brokenness and sinfulness, all the while trusting and ‘knowing’ implicitly that God has not and will not ever abandon me. I think once again of the poem “Covenant”.
It is as Frank has written about Eugene’s conviction that “at the basis of all his ministry: to lead others to his same experience of being loved by and of loving God, despite their sinfulness.” This is where I have been called, in spite of or perhaps because of my own sin and struggle – for I want nothing less that to be able to share what God has given to me – which is everything. And I am called to do it standing in the light that Eugene and his life shines on mine.
God gift of “immense hope” that has been implanted deep within me, where it can grow and flourish so that it grows outward into the light to share with others. I am sure that is why I am able to walk each day. There is this morning a deep conviction within me – perhaps that is a fruit of the Holy Spirit hovering without ceasing over me since first she entered into me. God with me – always and without end. I breathe it in and breathe it out: “My life in all its dimensions is a prayer that, in me and through me Your kingdom come.”