Eugene became a priest as a response to his awareness of God’s indescribable love for him. Here, in his retreat in preparation for his priestly ordination he prays to be able to make his priestly ministry a response of total love:
My God, double, triple, increase my strength a hundredfold that I may love you, not merely as much as I can, that is nothing, but that I love you as much as did the saints, as much as your holy Mother loved and loves you.
Notes made during the retreat in preparation for ordination to the priesthood,
December 1811, EO XIV n. 95
In Mary, the new priest saw a model to imitate to learn to love God and be an example to him of a total giving of self through his ministry.
Doubts, fears, and struggles invite me to turn away – some mornings it is not easy. My only recourse it seems is to sit and ask God to have mercy on me.
For a brief second I wonder how many doubts Mary had during her life, from the moment of the Annunciation, she must have had doubts and questions and fears and yet she walked through them, even up to and past the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus. Is this the model I can imitate? I think I am playing with words, measuring and comparing. I am making excuses in my mind.
It’s not about me. I think of the prayers I have reflected on in the past two days. The first one was Mary’s and it was all about her giving praise to God. And then yesterday again from Eugene and all about God living in Mary.
How do I love you Lord? How do I give myself totally to you through my day-to-day life? I don’t think it’s just a matter of doing. But rather it is how I must ‘be’. Surrender. My life, small and very ordinary is a response of my love for you. I want to make it more. Help me to look at Mary and to surrender as she did – to love as she did and does. I am tired of trying to do it on my own. Give me the grace.