His reflection on the ideals, fiery zeal and soaring achievements of the first groups of Jesuits led Eugene to a feeling of despondency when he compared some of the first groups of Oblates to them. He had been particularly disappointed in the past few years with the quality of the men who came to join, and their ability to persevere in difficulties and strictly follow the Rule of Life.
Can we look around us and see anything similar? We have to labor at training a few children who are mostly incapable of conceiving the great ideals which would raise them above their situation.
Not one of them has anything to give of his own, a stone to bring to the edifice that must be built by concerted effort. Wretched are these times and detestable is the influence of this age on minds!
He bemoaned their lack of responsiveness and how they remained cold and feeble despite all that was done to fire them up.
If any of them can produce anything, it is contrariwise and, instead of a soaring achievement attained by the acting in community of several wills intent on the same goal, we have to watch the dampening and deadening of all the impulses of our souls by the carefulness, cautiousness and scheming we have to employ in their regard in order to utilize them at least in some mediocre sphere where such cold and feeble souls prefer to be.
Eugene had become so despondent about his lack of achievements in improving the situation that he concluded:
I finished by asking God to take me out of this world if I am not to achieve anything more than I have done.
Letter to Henri Tempier, 1 August 1830, EO VII n 351
In the past we have often seen Eugene at his passionate fiery emotional best, and here we see him in a despondent emotional low point. Within hours, however, he had realized that he had exaggerated in expressing himself and we shall see that he rectified his opinion. Do not forget that this letter was never intended to be public – it was a private outpouring to Fr Tempier in whom he confided everything, including his darkest moments.
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.” Oscar Wilde
How wonderful that Eugene had someone to share his sorrows and struggles with, and was not confined to just speaking of great and wonderful things that were going on. He had lost his dear friend Marius Suzanne and was trying to stay on top of what his government was doing to the people of France and to the Church in France. I am reminded of a grade school teacher who loves all of her charges but they are young and a lively bunch – they never stop ‘being’. There is one who is like a ring-leader and that one never stops running, in fact the child flits from one position to another, never quite stopping and the teacher gets worn-out with that one child alone. Halfway through the day the teacher is exhausted, feels that he or she is quite unable to cope with one more thing, one more tantrum or anything else and shares with a close colleague a desire to ‘throw in the towel’ and just give up. After being able to get all of that out the teacher will feel better just for having been listened to and then is able to relate some good things, some funny things that took place and will eventually return to the job.
As I sat here this morning I found my mind was wandering to scriptures – recently the daily readings have been from Exodus and I think back to Moses himself who was not always a ‘saint’ and to the people he was leading. I think of Jesus and his life. He was fully and totally human, not some super being who just ‘looked’ human. I think of his life which he shared with his apostles and in particular with those closest to him. And it is easy for me to find my own self in all of this and see some of the struggles that I have had and shared and managed to get through.
I am grateful to be able to see this side of Eugene – I tend to love and appreciate him all the more because he was real and I can relate to his struggles and his sorrows. If everything was always perfect and he was not human I would have a much harder time with him, for I am so human, my life is not perfect and sometimes I get just like Eugene has here. I am grateful for this small glance into his struggles and his humanness.
“If any of them can produce anything, it is contrariwise and, instead of a soaring achievement attained by the acting in community of several wills intent on the same goal, we have to watch the dampening and deadening of all the impulses of our souls by the carefulness, cautiousness and scheming we have to employ in their regard in order to utilize them at least in some mediocre sphere where such cold and feeble souls prefer to be.”
What a great piece of writing and this is (only) the translation.