The hectic social activities after Eugene’s return from exile, which we have been looking at, gradually began to lose their attraction.
Questo paese non mi conviene. [ed. This is no place for me.], and that is why I have a repugnance for everything. Sometimes I am three weeks without going out; I only make exception in the case of La Poire [ed. a friend of his father]. In general, there is one enormous defect prevalent here, people are distant and very egotistic. “Questo paese non mi conviene. I say it again, and quietly lay my plans to bring about a parting of the ways.
His search for a rich wife were producing no results and he seemed to have no clear directions for a future life and career. At this moment, his family’s livelihood came from their properties and the produce of the land. He certainly did not see this as his future direction eikther:
Furthermore, it has to be said, this repugnance is also due to the fact that it is not in my character to spend my life planting cabbages.
There was an underlying unhappiness in his life that showed itself if many areas of his life.
I have the feeling that I am not where I should be, and I get angry when I see the best years of my life draining away in idle obscurity. You can judge yourself if I should be bright and cheerful when you know that these thoughts go round and round in my head whenever I am alone. Goodbye, dear father, I feel a sadness coming on.”
Letter to his father, 12 March 1804, Méjanes, Aix
It would still take him a couple more years to find the remedy for his underlying unhappiness.
“To be happy is only to have freed one’s soul from the unrest of unhappiness.” Maurice Maeterlinck