The request of Fr. Honorat to visit his aunt, became the occasion for Eugene to explain why he did not permit Oblates to visit their relatives indiscriminately.
You are strong enough, my dear Honorat, to bear a refusal. That is why I do not spare you this negative response that I am making to your request to go to Carpentras to see your aunt who is a religious sister there. I do not think her superiors will permit her to come and visit you. So leave her in peace in her cloister and go on your way with a greater spirit of detachment from relatives.
On the grounds of similar principles, I have just refused to let Fr. Martin go and see his sister at Gap. All the clergy of the diocese have intervened in this affair but there are always consequences to be considered in a Society, so I have refused Fr. Martin’s relatives just as I have refused those of Fr. Telmon, of Fr. Jeancard, and of Fr. Sumien. Accommodating all this fine affection for relatives would oblige one to empty a house in one week or to disrupt a mission or several missions.
I find it very costly to maintain regularity at such a price but duty must come before all. Adieu, very dear Father, I embrace you as well as dear Fr. Albini.
Letter to Jean Baptiste Honorat, 24 January 1827, EO VII n 260
In this letter the relatives cited were not the parents of Oblates – in the case of the fathers and mothers of Oblates, Eugene did show concern and allowed their sons to visit them if there was a serious need. It is important to bear in mind that the practice in religious life until not too long ago was that of a break with visiting their families. The more recent custom of annual vacations to visit with families was totally unimaginable at this time for religious sisters, brothers and priests. When the Oblates (and all other religious) started to go to the foreign missions after 1841, each one was fully aware that he was leaving France and his family forever and would never return.
Having said all this, we will see that Eugene’s relationship with his own family remained very close in later years.
“Religion kept some of my relatives alive, because it was all they had. If they hadn’t had some hope of heaven, some companionship in Jesus, they probably would have committed suicide, their lives were so hellish.” Octavia Butler
I do not know all of the ‘reasoning’ behind the practice of not visiting one’s family when it first began – it may have had to do with the size of the world at that time. Travel then was not as instantaneous as it is now. It does sound a little severe, there is no denying that while at the same time it is almost understandable. The congregation was very small at that point and their ministries could be severely compromised if they were to each go off and visit their families. They need to be able to find what they need within their own community. Eugene seemed to say as much when he wrote: “Accommodating all this fine affection for relatives would oblige one to empty a house in one week or to disrupt a mission or several missions. ” Was it a matter of thinking that they felt they had to let go of everything and everybody to give their lives to God? I keep thinking of how for myself the temptation to always go back to what I knew/know so well – there could be a safety in that – it could be a bit of an escape. Mixed in with this is a sense of obedience that this morning I find I am a loss to explain or give adequate words to, however it is not a negative thing or a ‘pious’ thing.
This is not a piece I would have chosen for myself to reflect on this morning (or any other), on the surface it is fine, but deeper down it speaks to a recent request made of me. Listening and discernment are required, as is rigid self-honesty. I cannot be looking for a ‘way out’ or a way that will make me look better or holier or whatever. Nor can I deny my own personhood. I hear a small whisper, one word – ‘come’. It is an invitation walk in an ambrace of life, of live, of total freedom. I choose it.
Thanks Frank for all the work you do preparing these reflections.
Today is a challenge for sure. I would hope there is a mid point between the two extremes. Now with 24/7 connections are we as religious able to focus and really become one with the community we live and minister with or are we looking back likes Lot’ wife? It is not easy. But the question needs to before us as we look at the time we spend living in the moment or the time looking and relating to the past. Mindfulness is the key