You know that since my arrival at Rome, I have been offering the Holy Mass for the success of our cause and never come before the holy sacrament without speaking of it to our Lord. I never invoke a saint without begging him to be our intercessor and even recite, if somewhat badly, certain prayers to this end such as the litanies of the saints and others similar. Moreover, I neglect no means that human prudence can suggest; I spare myself from no endeavours and allow my mind no rest in trying to second the designs of divine Providence.
Up until now, everything has succeeded beyond our hopes. Yet the good God has permitted some alarm and has left room for some anxiety but he has not taken away our confidence; on the contrary, in sorrowful moments, prayer has taken on more tenderness and I dare say almost the familiarity… of a child towards a father.
Letter to Henri Tempier, 20 January 1826, EO VII n 219
“Childlike surrender and trust, I believe, is the defining spirit of authentic discipleship.” Brennan Manning
I find myself focusing on “Up until now, everything has succeeded beyond our hopes. Yet the good God has permitted some alarm and has left room for some anxiety but he has not taken away our confidence…”
I know in the the deepest core of my being, and then radiating outward of God’s infinite tenderness, of a love beyond anything that mere words can try to express. God fills me with a strength as I walk towards and in God’s self. The alarm and anxiety that Eugene speaks of – perhaps he is referring to what I call doubts and fears. I try not to let them rule me, to swamp me or pull me back into giving up or simply walking away from the struggle. It can be so easy for me to allow myself to listen only to my own counsel, and then find myself needing to reflect with another where I really am.
I think that sometimes I have an image of strength and energy, of solid trust in where I am in life and yet inside are great doubts and fears, weaknesses and even temptations to quit and or walk away. And yet there is that core presence from which I draw strength and energy, it is the light in the darkness. I find myself returning there, from calling out and then being guided back. I pray with the confidence that Eugene speaks of, for it is that which gives me the strength in God to continue on.
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed by thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day….