Eugene’s advice to Hilarion Bourrelier had worked, and the young man had passed thru the crisis. A few weeks later Eugene wrote to him to consolidate the basic principles of his oblation: you have given your life to God, you belong totally to God – that is where your source of happiness must be.
Steep yourself more and more, my dear friend, in the grandeur and sublimity of your holy state; but never lose sight of the obligations which it imposes upon you.
Read and reread our holy Rules, fully assure yourself that you are quite happy to belong entirely to Jesus Christ.
No, my dear brother, you are no longer your own man in any way and you ought assuredly to congratulate yourself much about this. You know only too well the use, or rather say, abuse that you made of your freedom when you had no other master but yourself.
Letter to Hilarion Bourrelier, 19 September 1821, EO VI n 72
“You aren’t loved because you’re valuable. You’re valuable because God loves you.” Anonymous
Moments when time seems to slow and I am filled with gratitude for Eugene could have been writing to me, Frank could have been paraphrasing this for me. Even as I sit and ponder this today, my old wounds want to keep coming to the light. The wounds that say to me that this is only for priests, or only for religious. The wounds that tell me to look at how unworthy I am, how imperfectly I have lived God’s claim on me over the years. But today I refuse to give them ground or let them into the light.
Today I want to stand tall in the freedom that only comes from saying yes to God. The freedom that comes from belonging totally to God. The freedom the comes from giving it all to God. Eugene wrote to Hilarion; “…you are no longer your own man in any way…” How wonderful is that! The ultimate freedom, for I know myself I am no longer dependent on just me, myself and I. When I was my own master I was pretty messed up! But now with Jesus I find myself filled with love and gratitude, with solace and compassion, with joy that carries my sorrow.
God loves me and so am made worthy somehow. God loves me and lifts me up. God has said to me “my beloved”. That is all the value I need, all the value there really is.