Part of the tiredness of Eugene to which he refers in his 1818 retreat was caused by his strong personality which led him to react heatedly in some situations , in particular where people were treated unjustly or a hurt was involved.
I will be on guard against my natural liveliness, and I will do everything on my part to stifle the indignation that certain types of behaviour arouse in me which wound my sensitivity or are unacceptable to natural fairness, of which the Lord has given me a heightened sense…
He refers to the many contradictions and reverses he had experienced in recent times from those who opposed his mission. [This has been dealt with in earlier entries above]. He wrote:
… when someone treats me with indifference, is lacking in the respect I might think, in worldly terms, to be my due, even if it extends to insulting behaviour, etc., it is essential, it is indispensable, that I endure it meekly. It would be desirable if it actually became an occasion for rejoicing.
He took it further by wanting to get to the root of his reactions and be aware of what triggered his reactions, so as to be better prepared to react positively.
It is not enough to have no resentment, to pardon freely, to forget offences, even to make approaches to those who have been the most insulting towards me, dispositions that are habitual to me and that I follow at the moment of testing; but one must repress too that first movement aroused by pride; one must not yield for a single moment to the indignation that those types of behaviour awaken in the depths of my heart, the scorn they inspire towards those who cause them.
Retreat notes, May 1818, O.W. XV, n. 145
“Be master of your petty annoyances and conserve your energies for the big, worthwhile things. It isn’t the mountain ahead that wears you out – it’s the grain of sand in your shoe.” Robert Service